Is there anything wrong with wanting something to be perfect? No, not unless it’s causing you to feel like a failure with anything less than perfection.
A perfectionist can be defined as “a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection”. This is that all-or-nothing mentality; one right way, and the rest are all wrong.
When you strive for perfection, you are bound to fail, and this can lead to even more criticism, turning your own mind into your own worst enemy.
Here are some ways that being a perfectionist may be detrimental to you:
1. Projects are never done. Because perfectionist’s standards are so high, a project is never complete because it doesn’t meet the standard of perfect. You keep working on something that never ends up getting done.
2. High stress levels. Stress from perfectionism comes from constantly worrying about every minute detail, that nothing is ever good enough. You never feel satisfied or fulfilled in whatever you are doing, therefore increasing unnecessary stress in your life.
3. Not willing to take risks. Most people think being a perfectionist is OK because afterall, shouldn’t things be perfect? However, that perfectionism is fueled by an intense fear of failure. Because of that “if I can’t do it perfectly, then I won’t even try” mindset, you stay stuck and unhappy. The fear of failure is too great that you never even attempt things, which is also a failure.
4. You try to please everybody else. You are the people pleaser! You never want to ruffle any feathers or make anyone angry or upset with you. Your all-or-nothing thinking makes you believe you’re either “good” if people like you, or “bad” if they don’t. Because you are trying to please everyone else, you find making decisions to be difficult, and avoid certain conversations because of fear you’ll upset the other person.
5. You judge others on your same “perfectionist” scale. Because you’re constantly judging yourself, this spills over into what you expect from others. You might make passive aggressive comments (or at least have the thoughts) like “it must be nice to get to go home at 4:00 p.m. instead of finishing your work”. You expect others to have the same drive and commitment that you do, and it never occurs to you that anything less than that might also be ok.
6. You find it difficult to delegate. You have a right way and a wrong way, a black-and-white, all-or-nothing mentality, which makes you believe there is only one correct way of doing something. Others don’t always see things identical to you, so you think “it’s just easier to do it myself”. This mentality leaves you with more tasks to complete, resulting in more stress on you.
7. You take it personally. You believe in yourself…if things go perfectly, if you do a good job, if people like you. But, receiving any kind of negative feedback is hard on you because you take it personally. Maybe it was a project that failed, but you make any criticism on the project mean that YOU are the failure. This keeps you from getting necessary feedback you need in order to make progress.
8. You miss out on the relaxation and fun. You believe that “you will rest or play when the job is complete”. Of course, the job is never complete because it’s never perfect enough. You end up exhausted and resentful of others who did relax and have a good time! This behavior over and over results in burnout.
It comes as no surprise that perfectionism can lead to numerous negative health effects, including higher rates of anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, and overall general unhappiness.
There have been a lot of studies conducted over the years on perfectionism. One particularly alarming study was a study of 41,641 college undergrad students from 1986 to 2016.
The study showed a 33% increase in the “social-oriented perfectionism” category. Raw data suggests that social media use pressures young adults to perfect themselves in comparison to others, which in turn makes them feel a sense of “not good enough” (not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough, not sexy enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, etc), leading to social isolation.
The increase in perfectionism among young adults has had a psychological health impact on young adults, with increased levels of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts than even 10 years ago.
Negative perfectionism is usually due to the thoughts you are having, and most of those thoughts are created within your own mind and have no evidence or truth to them.
The problem is that your brain doesn’t know whether what you think is actually true or not. So if you think you are a failure, then your brain believes you are a failure, THEN YOU WILL BE A FAILURE!
So what can you do if you (or someone close to you) suffers from the negative effects of perfectionism?
Change the negative thought pattern in its tracks by being mindful of what you’re actually thinking. Start to recognize the negativity and break it at critical points.
Also begin a daily self-compassion practice…do yoga, a loving kindness meditation, write in a gratitude journal, or just begin repeating positive affirmations in your head. The more positive thoughts you put in your brain, the more your brain will begin to replace those negative beliefs with positive ones.
Always strive for success, not perfection. And just maybe you will come to realize that “good enough” might just be good enough.